What a Difference a Day Makes

Warning: TMI coming up (Too Much Information)

Valentine's Day was great; yesterday was a nightmare.

Went the bathroom in the morning and there was a large amount of yellow discharge on the paper. Now, Dr. Google says that this can be a normal pregnancy occurrence as the pregnancy progresses, but I FREAKED OUT! With Pedro and Archer, it was at exactly this time, 21 weeks and 1 day, that I noticed a change in my discharge (although it was a different change last time) and went into the hospital only to find my cervix already open 1 cm. The parallel of timing was more than I could take, and I became instantly sure that I had just passed my mucus plug and that things were heading toward disaster. Again.

Some part of me was still aware that mucus plugs really rarely pass through cerclages, and probably this was just a result of the Pap Smear I'd had last week, or one of the fifty other appointments in the last month. So I tried to hide my distress from Bruno. Fat Chance. He is also aware of the time window we are in, and his sensors are on extra alert. So much so that despite the fact that he had already left the house minutes before to go take a hike, I heard the key in the lock as I was sitting at the computer, tears streaming down my face, writing worried e-mails to Dr. D and Dr. K. Ostensibly, Bruno had forgotten his wallet, but I know that, really, his distress radar went off. I convinced him to go on the hike while we waited for the Dr's to get back to us.

I think both the Dr's offices must have been closed, and as the day went on, I started feeling lower abdomen cramping, and a contraction or two, and then upper belly sharp pains. Bruno and I were losing our minds with worry, which probably caused the lower abdomen cramping, contraction or two and upper belly sharp pains. We finally called the two Dr's. Neither seemed alarmed, both think we are within the range of normal pregnancy occurrences, but Dr. R wants to see me today to put our minds at ease and to check that there have been no changes in the cervix. I was so worried, I even missed my beloved PlayGround, where I helped pick the plays this time, to stay home and in bed.

After hearing from the Dr's (and talking to the amazingly level-headed and compassionate Doctor Danielle, my sister-in-law), we did calm down, and even slept last night, pretty well, actually. I'm looking forward to the Dr's appointment today at 10:30, although I'm feeling some shame that I seem to end up at the Dr's twice a week now. I feel like I am a stronger woman than this, but despite my best efforts to control them, my mind and emotions are beyond my grasp right now. I really thought Bruno was going to jump off the sanity cliff yesterday: he was pulling on his hair and keening on the floor for a little bit. It is all just so similar to what started our loss last time that it is nearly impossible to bear.

Anyway, there is my shameful admission. I'll let you know how it goes at the Dr's, and welcome to our D-Day: 21 weeks and 1 day today.