O, Worthy Car

We bought a new car today. And I found myself hysterically crying saying goodbye to the old one. Now, let me clarify that I am not a car person at all, don't really know much about cars, don't really care much about cars beyond the color. My old car was a beautiful and unique color of bronzy brown, but that's not why I was crying. Well, that's not most of why I was crying.

I was crying because we bought that car on the East Coast on the day we found out we were pregnant with the boys. We bought it to be a Mom-mobile. We were so naive and confident that on the very day we found out we were pregnant, we bought a car. We were SO naive and confident that we did so without bringing along infant car seats and strollers to make sure they fit, which is why we now needed to buy another new car to be the Mom-mobile. But regardless of the reality, that barely-old car represents our time with the boys and it was hard to let it go.

That car carried all of us across the country. It witnessed all our hopes and dreams and expectations of life with twin boys. It carried us to the hospital in Oregon, it carried Bruno around Portland, and ultimately it carried us, empty-handed and broken-hearted, away again. It witnessed our fresh grief, our first stabs at dealing with tragedy. It carried us through that time, to and from meetings with HAND, jobs interviews, house hunting. It witnessed countless tear storms from me as I learned how to navigate the Bay Area and re-learned how to navigate life. It carried us to Tahoe and Mammoth and Napa and Santa Cruz. It safely delivered me to auditions and rehearsals and performances. And to endless, endless doctor appointments. Including the appointment confirming Baby A and Baby B's existence. And all the subsequent ones preserving that existence.

I cried saying goodbye to that worthy car, that naive, first-time parent mistake of a car that carried us through such a profound period of our lives within its bronzy brown frame.

Our new car will be a great car too, I've no doubt, and will witness great moments in our evolving family. The Girl-Mobile. And guess what color it is?

Greeeeeeeen!!!!