Luck

Today, in an attempt to get Murphy's Law working for us, I bought a Costco sized box of tampons. (It's a sleeper joke. Give it a second... There you go!)

Costco was one of many unnecessary items I put on today's to do list, in an attempt to keep myself from sitting by the phone and the computer, waiting for something to happen. It is very rough, this attention detox. I'm used to people applauding for me every night, used to sitting with friends in a very small dressing room cracking jokes and being goofy. Used to the energy rush of stepping on stage and playing four different characters, used to the stimulation of their four different worlds. Now it is just me and this big old house in the suburbs while my husband is at work. Yikes.

I'm doing an admirable job of keeping myself occupied, if I do say so myself. This morning I returned most of the e-mails I'd owed during the run of the show (sorry if I haven't gotten back to you yet: you are on tomorrow's to do list), then went to the gym and worked out like mad, and then swam in the rooftop pool in the California sun! Then the aforementioned Costco trip, back home to quickly unload and lunch, and then tutoring. And now Bruno is on his way home, so I've almost made it through a whole 'nother day without falling apart. One more or so, and the detox should be done.

And then, of course, there is the larger unfinished project, which I was able to so beautifully not worry about while rehearsing and performing: The family we started, but, as of yet, have failed to finish. The sensation in my chest of a train running has returned, and I'm sure this is what is causing it. I fought all day long to quell the feeling of panic. Come to think of it, I haven't meditated yet today.

Well, it is what it is. I'm learning to live with it, find coping methods, ways to compensate, while I take all the right steps and wait for our luck to turn. One of these days it has to come out alright, right?