Just so no one gets too worried, I cried my way through most of the morning, but then got myself to my acupuncture appointment, where, THANK GOODNESS, my storm cloud mood shifted and lessened and lifted. As the acupuncturist removed the eye-pillow, an involuntary prayer flew out of my being, "Please protect A, B, C and D" (my four currently pregnant friends). I can't tell you what a relief it was. I know if I can feel hope and prayer for others, that I can find my way to feeling it for myself too.
On the way home, I stopped by a fancy bakery, and picked up two darling petit fours, in chocolate brown and white, shaped like little presents. I also bought a set of mini-candles that spiral gently around. They are called "Curly Candles." I don't know if it is the right thing to do, I am making all this up, but I decided we would need these little birthday cakes to try, tomorrow, not just to mourn, but also to celebrate Curly 3 and Curly 4.
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2 comments:
Hi Lisa,
I love that you are planning a little birthday celebration for Curly 3 & 4, aka Pedro and Archer. Eat some cake for me! And yes, making it up as you go along is the only way to go!
Love,
Ellen
I think it's perfectly appropriate to celebrate the day you became parents at the same time you grieve for the profound loss of your sons, who should be here to celebrate the day with you. We cried in our cupcakes on our daughter's first birthday, but it felt right to have them and to acknowledge the joy she brought into our lives, even though that joy was accompanied by sorrow.
My thoughts will be with you and your family tomorrow on this bittersweet anniversary.
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