Just the Facts, Ma'am: Week 27

That's right folks: week 27!!! Week 28 is just around the corner.

This week's appointment was with Dr. R, my OB. The trip there was even more miraculous than when I last saw the outdoors two weeks ago: the rose bushes in front of our house are all green with new growth, and the hydrangea is becoming full again. The azaleas seem to be on their way out, but all the trees in the neighborhood have that beautiful young green color about them. And my neighbor's freesia are blooming in full beauty. Wondrous how the world changes in two weeks.

Wondrous too what a great job bed rest is doing of keeping our girls safe. This week my cervix, after funneling, still measured 3.2, gaining another 3mm above the stitch!! I know bed rest is a controversial prescription and that I myself have railed, on this very blog, one mere post ago, about some of the rotten side effects that come with it. However at this point I think I'd have to place myself firmly on the side of believing its positive effects well outweigh its negative ones. And I have a guess, too, as to why there isn't hard scientific evidence to back up its efficacy: it's because no woman in her right mind would agree to be part of the control group, the group that, upon hearing that her pregnancy is in jeopardy, would agree to remain upright and walking around for the duration and just see what happens. I fear that the helpfulness of bed rest will never be statistically proven, and will always require a leap of faith on the part of practitioners and hopeful parents alike. But isn't that just the beginning of the lifetime of leaps that parenthood demands?

At this appointment, I did, however, look the basic nature of my incompetent cervix full in the face, and it was a little sobering. When Dr. R started the cervical ultrasound, my cervix measured 4.5cm!! Insanely long!. And then we watched as I had a small contraction, so small I didn't even feel it, and on the screen before us we witnessed my cervix unzip, the dark v-shape growing and filling with amniotic fluid ominously swirling into the void. It opened, wider and deeper, the darkness filling the screen, and when it finally stopped, I had lost 1.3cm in length, landing at 3.2cm. And that was with a small contraction. How much length is lost, how much pressure is placed on the stitch itself with a large contraction. Or when I sneeze, or stand to walk to the bathroom, or, or, or....

So this is what it is to have an incompetent cervix, and this is why we chose to have a cerclage, and this is why I am willingly embarking on my 5th week of bed rest. But it made me feel like all these numbers (4mm above the stitch, 7mm above the stitch, nothing above the stitch) don't really mean anything. And that made me sort of sad. I like having numbers I can lean back into and feel accomplished about and comforted by.

I'll just have to look to other numbers to comfort me. And I think I'll start by taking 27 weeks and 3 days and wrapping it around me, to keep me warm these early spring days.