Prescription

To get through the horribles in an accelerated manner, try the following:

Go for a run at night. There is something slightly rebellious about it, slightly subversive, slightly spooky, slightly self-destructive and at the same time strength building. Plus, there are the endorphins. If you are lucky enough to have terrible weather while you are battling the horribles, you could substitute walking in the weather without any sort of protection. There is something absolutely epic about this, and nothing like it to experience both powerlessness, and the ability to stay standing. Plus, it always feels great when the outside world is crazier than I am.

Take a day off from work and behave as if you have a terrible flu. Wear extremely cozy, extremely ugly clothes, lots of them. Move from couch to bed and bed to couch, surrounded always by favorite books, remote controls and snacks. Lots of snacks. Liquids are good too. Just don't overdo it with the sugar: nasty backlash. Take a nap in the middle of the day in the very center of your fluffy bed with all your ugly clothes on. Don't shower until dinner time. Let your hair look horrible. Wear it in pigtails. Three of them.

Clean your house. Top to bottom. I call this a "not nailed down" day, meaning I wash anything not nailed down. Get on your hands and knees and scrub your kitchen floor Cinderella style. Scrub until there is sweat dripping off your nose. Do five loads of laundry. Vacuum under the bed. And the couch. Windex the mirrors. Buy Mr Clean's Magic Eraser. I'm sure whatever is in this stuff is the reason I'm not having babies, and yet I am unwilling to give up the magic that it works on every and any surface. Seriously. Go buy one. Now use it. It will make you happy.

Positive visualization. Imagine telling everyone you know that you have just met your elusive goal. Imagine throwing a party bigger than your wedding to welcome your triumph into the world. Imagine some outside the box ideas that will fix the stagnation. Imagine that this month is the month. This will happen. Imagine...